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First Issue Essay-Feedback please

anthony7988anthony7988 Joined: 06/03/2018

A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.


     The adoption of a national curriculum can be seen as aspirational and beneficial in a broad sense by ensuring that all students are held to the same academic standard. However, a nation that requires the same national curriculum of all students inherently will result in a decreased diversity and creativity in thinking and methodological reasoning once students reach college. The implementation of national curriculums limits the ability for students to demonstrate academic creativity, ability to engage in diverse forms of reasoning, and limits students who cannot meet the standards of a national curriculum as well as those that are in the position to advance beyond one.

     By using a national curriculum the standardization of learning and the narrowing of critical thinking to meet such standards severely limits the ability of students to engage in cognitive creativity to solve problems and use independent analysis skills. By limiting the curriculum and the ways by which the curriculum is taught students are expected to arrive at the same answer to the same problem in the same way as their peers and the teachers before them. Such an approach to learning stifles the possibility of creatively arriving at a different solution to a common problem and reduces the potential of breakthroughs in methodological approach. Similarly, the denial of independent analysis has a negative effect on the promotion of diversity in reasoning.

     The streamlining of academia into a national curriculum denies students the ability to engage in diverse forms of thinking and reasoning as well as disallowing for the valuable trial and error form of learning. By standardizing the content that is taught to students, the ability for that nation to engage in diverse and challenging discussion is hindered by the common, nationally-enforced, narrow curriculum they are forced to learn. This dramatically reduces the ability for increased global awareness and denies the students adequate preparation for a world in which there are diverse viewpoints and a vast array of critically engaging in content.

     The imposition of a national curriculum poses a problem for both students that fall behind the standards set as well as those that have the ability to engage well beyond the limits imposed on them. The problem of holding all students to a national standard denies students the ability to engage in content that is adapted to their cognitive capacities. This affects the students that cannot keep up with such a national curriculum and poses a problem for the authority that administers such a curriculum. Do they deny the students that cannot academically keep pace or do they lower the standards to create a more inclusive, but less knowledgeable society? This also affects the students at the other end of the spectrum who have the potential to engage in much higher forms of education and critical thinking. Without the ability to engage in such higher forms of education are such then expected waste their talents waiting to enter college? 

     The use of national curriculum poses many more problems for the society it aims to aid. National curriculums limit the potential of their students, discourage independent and creative thinking and result in the overall reduced capabilities of nations that employ them.


  • Jonathan EvansJonathan Evans PowerScore Staff Joined: 10/31/2016

    This is excellent. You are a competent and articulate writer. Your thesis is clear. Your sentences are varied, and you remain on topic. The length is excellent. Your structure is sound. 

    This is easily a 5 to 5.5.

    Suggestions for improvement:

    • Use at least one concrete example to illustrate your thesis. You excel at setting a high level of insightful argumentation. However, your essay gets somewhat dense in the middle third. Give the reader something to grab onto. For example, here you could use a field about which you have some knowledge, an area you think would be harmed by the imposition of national standards.
    • Consider addressing the other position, especially in your first body paragraph. Make clear that you understand and acknowledge possible arguments for the other side. These kinds of counter premises will make your thesis that much more forceful if you effectively rebut them.
    • Watch out for passive constructions such as "By standardizing the content that is taught to students, the ability for that nation to engage in diverse and challenging discussion is hindered by the common..." Not only is this in the passive voice, it also leaves a dangling present participle in the first phrase ("standardizing" should ideally be apposite to the subject of the sentence). 
    • Overall be careful not to use three words where one would suffice. Be succinct. 

    This is a very solid essay. Keep up the good work.
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